Ohbitchuary

Preface to this post:
20 years ago, when Brian's parents built their current house, instead of putting in central air they installed a swamp cooler. It was made to last for 5 years, but has somehow survived 20. It does anything but cool. The last two weeks it has sounded like popcorn popping and then last night it just flat out wouldn't turn on ... Brian wanted to let the family know that the cooler died so he sent the following in an email.

Ohbitchuary

On the 28^th of July, the year of our Lord 2009, a dear member of our family returned peacefully through the veil. To some he was referred to as the “cooler”, but to most … he was anything but. For more than 20 years he was with us. Expectations were never high for this prehistoric “air conditioning” unit. For Britton, the yearly maintenance and loud roar during use was pleasure enough and “cooling” the house wasn’t important. The “cooler” is lived on by Lauren and Brian, who cared for him the best they could in his last days of life. They slept naked out of mere respect for their dear friend and family member. Most nights they did’t even sleep because the thought of his passing would not leave their minds. Just as with dumb pets, coolers come and go. Who could blame him! He was only supposed to live for 5 and we were lucky enough to have him for 20. I am sure that those who from this day forth have the opportunity to enter the Davis’ home, the loss of the “cooler” will definitely be felt. Maybe it will be the quiet silence… or the sweat from head to toe. I am sure that if the “cooler” could leave us with any final words, they would have read thus:

“You should have gone with central air.”

God, rest his soul…